Procrastinating + Writing = Bullshit of the Highest Order

Let’s be honest with each other, shall we? Procrastination is always in the job description, whether it’s disguised as waiting for a manuscript to “mature”(yes, I did once meet an author who described waiting for his work in progress to mature, like it was a fucking hunk of cheese. I barely managed to stop myself from punching his pretentious face), or being upfront with yourself and … Continue reading Procrastinating + Writing = Bullshit of the Highest Order

Incredible Procrastination

I have a problem. It haunts my sleep and turns my dreams to nightmares. It slips into the reality of my days and suddenly a perfectly lovely morning turns into night – a stormy, bad night. Not a pretty one with starlight and 20 degree weather (this is Canada.I’m talking in Celsius. Twenty degrees is actually pretty warm…like, t-shirt plus a light sweater weather). The … Continue reading Incredible Procrastination

Writer’s Block and a Little Flirting

Remember that time you were talking to someone that you were trying to impress- a pretty love interest, perhaps- and then you lost complete track of the conversation? But of course, you couldn’t just stop talking and apologise for your momentary slip of attention, that would be rude; so you kept on talking, hoping that you would find your point somewhere along the way. Of … Continue reading Writer’s Block and a Little Flirting

Why I Cringe: Confessions of A Socially Inept Human

I pride myself on being a semi-functioning human, or a humanoid-looking domesticated cat. Sure, I can take care of myself and even to some extent, of my hunting-impaired human counterpart; but if you try to make me interact with another human, I’ll just as likely scratch its juicy heart out as purr. Thus, going out in public is a minefield of social cues that I, … Continue reading Why I Cringe: Confessions of A Socially Inept Human

Why I Write: A Sarcastic Sapfest

Considering how often I complain about writing, you may be wondering why the hell I bother engaging in the torturous activity. Masochistic tendencies? Self-hatred? Chronic antisocial behaviour that requires a legitimate excuse? Besides the word addiction problem that all writers seem to suffer from, there’s a simple reason: a sloshy bucket. See, at some point during puberty, I went into an emo phase, without the black … Continue reading Why I Write: A Sarcastic Sapfest

The Writer’s Departed Groove

Your breath whistles through your teeth as you run down the hill, evil horse-monkeys in hot pursuit. You grab a branch overheard, shooting a glance over your shoulder to make sure they’re not quite on your tail yet, and haul yourself into the tree. Just as the foliage covers your cherry-red sneakers, the horse-monkeys gallop past you, shouting something about bananas and payment. You lean … Continue reading The Writer’s Departed Groove

Bloopers, Writing and Crying…Oh My!

It’s funny how pressing the delete button can be so easy at times, and so hard at other times. Sometimes, you’ve written this gorgeous (if you do say so yourself) description, full of heartbreak and grief, so of course you don’t want to delete it. It’s art! It’s your legacy! It’s…completely out of character. So, what do you do? You put it in the bloopers. … Continue reading Bloopers, Writing and Crying…Oh My!

What to Do When Your Plot is Wrong

So, you’ve outlined, you’ve written, you’ve conquered. Now what? Now is the time to edit, and when you’re editing, guess what happens? That’s right, you fucking cry because your manuscript is a mess and a half. Unless you’re me- then it’s 3.75 messes. No regrets. I was rewriting one of my action scenes, glibly minding my own business when WHAM! An intrusive Fuckicus you bee … Continue reading What to Do When Your Plot is Wrong